All Figured Out

Hey there, Jimmy! You've got it all figured out!

You got a job down at the corner store,

Enough money to rent out the casita

In your parents' backyard.

Plenty to feed yourself, and well!

Considering your attention to the culinary arts,

Which is useful for when you're getting high

On the dab-rig that you shine to a fine sheen.

And in your free-time you've got a variety

Of subscriptions at your fingertips:

Netflix, Prime, Twitch, Youtube, PornHub,

Hulu, Spotify, Xbox Live, OnlyFans.

What is there out there in the greater world

That could possibly interest you?

The greater world is a place full of strife

and failure and uncertainty and pain.

Why bother subjecting yourself to that

When you've already got it all figured out.

Hey now, Beth! You've got it all figured out!

You've got more money than you could possibly spend

And that's good because as an independent contractor

You've got a lot of business costs to reckon with.

Your apartment is finely appointed, your pets are comfortably

settled in lavish circumstances, any gourmet dish delivered

To your door at your whim or wish. It's a sort of Paradise.

There's no commute to work since you converted the spare

Into a studio, replete with high quality cameras and lights.

The bed and wardrobe arranged to feel natural and soft.

What is there out there in the greater world

That could possibly interest you?

The greater world is dangerous, filled with sexual predators

And creeps un-impeded by a camera's lens

And icky bosses who think that employment is ownership.

Why bother subjecting yourself to that

When you've already got it all figured out?

Woe to you who criticize a world of your own devising:

Parents and teachers and legislators who impound souls

In convenient cubbies where they can be bled for dollars.

You cannot complain when you spent your years

Making your children afraid of the greater world.

Reckon with your arrogance that you knew how the world works

While the world was in the process of changing itself completely.

Cons, you made the world safer, more amazing for yourselves

And then constructed signs that said, "Stay away! It's not safe!"

Not everyone has it figured out like our heroes here,

But you can't blame them, nor fault them

Because they're only doing what they've been told

By regretful fools who never could figure out

How to stop from getting old.